131 Comments
User's avatar
Molly Young's avatar

we kissed through a hole in the naan

Jason's avatar

Are you THAT Molly? From the story?

Molly Young's avatar

What story?? either way the answer is probably "yes"

Jason's avatar

Broke into old abandoned church rumored to be haunted. Orgy. Hallucinagens. Demons appeared. Only 3 survived. You, Karine and a small child that appeared as you were racing towards the exit. She thought it was a demon and wanted to leave it, you insisted it was a real human 3 year old and decided to adopt it after it began calling you Mol-Mom.

Zach's avatar

I cannot believe He Would write This!!!!!!!!

Obsidian Blackbird.'s avatar

I don't care if your the third stage of the Substance. I'm in love with your mind.

PhineusGage's avatar

Another angry incel, dude get over yourself

Plenty of girls out there for you fucksake

Dia Lupo's avatar

“We've been instructed to let this one play out” is killing me hahahahahah. You one brilliantly deranged bitch father_karine

Alexander Kaplan's avatar

This essay confirms my theory that the good-looking people will never be as funny as the uggos.

Noel's avatar

This is so incredible. I think I might believe that you are actually Ugly. Only a true Uggo could write so deeply from the unfortunate looking depths of the heart.

My daughter was mad at me the other day and yelled “You’re ugly!” I shrugged and said “People don’t choose how they look. That’s not an insult. Pick something better.”

She responded with “You’re hideous!” So I explained that hideous just *more ugly* and still not insulting because I didn’t choose my looks.

Then she yelled “You’re stupid!” And I said now THAT’S an insult. Good job. You’re grounded.

Jason's avatar

This was funny, but we all know you're really a male priest pretending to be a hot girl pretending to be an ugly girl and in reality casting demonic curses on all who read this from the bowels of the church, daring God to prove he's real by striking you down, even as the leering creature in the corner assures you that your pact with Satan will save you.

Kelly Courtez's avatar

Literally every sentence of your writing was hilariously unhinged and beautiful 😍 I don't care what you look like (promise), I want to eat your brain xx

Mera's avatar

This sounds like an extremely, out-of-the-roof scoville scale hot girl is fantasizing being ugly

Sandhill's avatar

Don’t believe the gorilla bit. Rest seems fine

Renée's avatar

First post on Substack I’m reading twice

E Dincer's avatar

everybody online is a dude unless proven otherwise

Frances Eliza's avatar

this is Girlhood

Eric Webb's avatar

I am legally bound to acknowledge my appreciation of a "Dancer in the Dark" joke

geoduck's avatar

What a coincidence, this is the week I decided to unsub from and block every thirst trap* who crosses my desk. So glad I don't have to push the button to fire father_karine into the sun, yet.

*I mean, I'm into surprise attack by half-naked women, but posting a Note about "Exploring Beautiful Sardinia" or "Morning Walk With My Snuggly Dog" and it's just a series of mirror selfies that might as well be from the fitting room at Ross Dress For Less? That's what George Carlin would call "Bullshit!"