To discern whether a film is truly one for the girls, I considered one or more of the following criteria:
No excessive gore/exploitive violence. It gives us the vapors and due to the rising cost of smelling salts we simply can’t afford to have the fits in this economy.
Female protagonist/antagonist. Be it hero or villain, we like a leading lady.
Female writer/director. There are literally only like 6 of them so they automatically get on the list, even if the movie is a turd.
Aesthetics. Because at the end of the day we just want to see some pretty shit.
Disclaimer to any men reading this: You may have a few passing thoughts. First, you may feel the need to comment that “[film] isn’t horror.” That’s true. Some of these films aren’t classic “horror," but horror-adjacent. That’s because women are afraid of a lot of different things. Second, you may feel the uncontrollable urge to comment “You forgot [film].” I understand that the desire to improve is hard-wired into the fabric of every man’s DNA. But, as you white knuckle through the list waiting to comment, I implore you to ask yourself: “Is this film truly female-coded, or does it just have woman in it?”
Finally, if you’re wondering why some of the film synopses are dumb joke summaries and others are somewhat serious reviews, don’t bother. I am a woman: mercurial in spirit, a creature of whim and caprice. Perhaps a shadow passed over the moon while I was writing some of this, temporarily freeing me from the pull of that mysterious orb that controls all women. Perhaps I got my period halfway through. We may never know.
women be bleedin
Due to the length, I organized the films according to feminine archetype + a misc category at the end. Nothing is in any particular order, though my “staff picks” are marked by an asterisk: I recommend watching these first if you haven’t seen them.
I. The Terrorized Woman: Being stalked, tortured, and terrorized—physically and psychologically—is a key component of the divine feminine. Honestly, we just love it. Here are my favorite films about women being tormented, abused, and preyed upon, mostly because they want attention.
Trilogy of Terror (1975) - Karen Black (Burnt Offerings) is terrorized three separate times in this campy anthology. Tales #1 and #2 serve hard cheese, but #3 delivers: Black stars as a sexy anthropologist who bites off more than she can chew when her African Zuni Fetish Doll comes to life with exactly the amount of wrath you would expect from a 9 inch tall man.
short kings at the club be like
Rosemary’s Baby (1968)* - Horror classic about a woman gaslit so hard she gets a pixie cut and then her husband gaslights her even harder by telling her it’s chic even though every time he looks at her his reptile brain thinks “boy now.” A stunning and deeply unsettling film by any measure, we can all have a little Roman Polanski as a treat, which is exactly what the 2003 academy awards said.
Suspiria (1977)* - Argento’s masterpiece about a young American girl who that learns her ballet school is run by witches. You don’t watch Suspiria for the plot because, to be honest, it’s pretty basic. You watch to see 1000 shades of the color red and listen to Goblin bang out the same 6-note melody for an hour and 40 minutes.
Midsommar (2019) - Women love this film: it’s got flower crowns, minimalist Scandinavian design, suffering, hysteria, wispy folk dresses, and, most importantly, Florence Pugh: a very beautiful and talented actress who has no idea that the entire weight of the body positivity movement is resting on her broad little pee-wee linebacker shoulders. She will be forced to carry that burden, like a thick lil Atlas, until the fickle Hollywood elite elects a new stumpy It Girl and the prophecy is fulfilled: “Queen you shall be ... until there comes another, younger and stockier, to cast you down and take all that you hold dear.”
It Follows (2014)* - Modern horror masterpiece yadda yadda, but ladies: can we please talk about the scene with the pink sea shell e-reader?! Whose cursed cock do I have to awkwardly mount to get one of these things? I will do anything for a pink seashell e-reader. Anything.
Watcher (2022) - A young actress (Maika Monroe) moves into a beautiful historic apartment with high ceilings and original crown molding but can’t even enjoy it because of some peeping tom harshing the vibe.
Resurrection (2022) - The bad news is you’re being stalked by your ex; the good news is it’s Timothy Roth (Reservoir Dogs).
The Wind (2018) - An 17th century frontier woman is spooked by the wind when her husband leaves her alone for a few days in their isolated cabin on the plains. Typical!
The VVitch (2015) - Black Phillip: “Wouldst thou like the taste of butter? Wouldst thou like to live deliciously?” Women everywhere: (heavy breathing)
Mother! (2017) - This heavy handed biblical metaphor from Darren Aronofsky is the ultimate feminine anxiety dream. Husband? Narcissist. Guests? Rude. House? Destroyed. Baby? Not ok. Don’t ask me why, but I blame the latent trauma caused by this film for the 5 lbs of filler recently pumped into JLaw’s beautiful face, making her approximately 5 milliliters of Restylane away from joining an animatronic country jamboree band with Chrissy Tiegan, the JigSaw puppet from Saw, and Mac Tonight.
we all felt this tbh
Eyes Without A Face (1960)* - What is a woman worth when she is stripped of her beauty? This haunting French classic about a disfigured woman held captive by her surgeon father, hell-bent on restoring her beauty at any cost, is perhaps more relevant today than ever.
Relic (2020) - Brooding Aussie flick from newcomer Natalie Erika James about a young woman and her mother returning to their creepy childhood home to search for the missing grandmother. Great addition to the haunted house genre that delivers real frights and is definitely worth a watch.
The Babadook (2014) - Honestly I would have lasted 12 minutes in this movie before Casey Anthony-ing this kid and telling the police a dingo ate him up with my best Meryl Streep impression.
Trouble Every Day (2001) - The woman equivalent of “The Human Centipede,” Claire Denis tortures female viewers everywhere with 101 minutes of “Trouble Every Day.” First you are visually assaulted with the purple gradient comic sans windows moviemaker opening credits that trap you in the sunken place. Once immobile, you see Vincent Gallo’s face. Then you hear Vincent Gallo speak. Then you hear Vincent Gallo masturbate. Then you see Vincent Gallo shoot ropes so big you’ll gasp and say “that can’t be real!” like the entire Mexican Congress being forced to stare at those two little ashy alien cave mummies from that wild ass UFO hearing last month. A deeply traumatizing film so full of Vincent Gallo being Vincent Gallo you won’t even remember that it was supposed to be about cannibalism.
the actual title sequence for a vincent gallo rape movie
II. The Unhinged Woman: I was just joking about women loving to be stalked and terrorized. That’s not true. What we really love is to absolutely lose our shit because we were pushed to the brink, because we went off our meds, or idk just because lol. These are my favorite films about the gone girls of horror.
Possessor (2020) - Inspiring film about a woman who neglects her annoying family to pursue her career of citrix-ing into random people’s bodies using brain-implant technology and using them as avatars to kill people, all at the request of her cunty boss Jennifer Jason Leigh.
Raw (2016) - Directed by Julia Ducournau & inspired by France’s deep hatred for vegetarians, “Raw” follows a young veterinary student as she develops a taste for human flesh. Not as good as Titane but still a very solid new horror film worth a watch.
Suspiria (2018) - The reboot gets some much-needed depth with the new feminist spin but is absolutely ruined by the addition of my cross-eyed nemesis Chloe Grace Moeretz: a soggy hotdog of a woman who continues to sully every horror film she stars in. Not even the combined charisma of Dakota Johnson, Tilda Swinton, and Mia Goth can erase the stink of CG Moeretz from this film, and someday I will find her and fight her to the death.
Titane (2021)* - Genre (& gender)-bending film from Julia Ducournau about a hot French androgynous chick who goes on the lamb after having sex with cars and killing random people. If you watched Disney’s “Cars” and found yourself thinking “would” during all the Lightning McQueen scenes, this one’s for you.
A Girl Walks Home Alone at Night (2014)* - Refreshing arthouse film about a lonely vampire stalking the inhabitants of Iranian ghost-town Bad City. Evocative of a dusty and desolate “Ghost World”, it’s tough to not be spellbound by “the girl”: a taciturn figure who spends her free time playing jazz records, soaking in the tub, and skateboarding, inspiring women everywhere to proclaim “it me” though we’ve never even ollie’d once.
Ginger Snaps (2000) / the Craft (1996) / Jennifer’s Body (2009) - I’m giving this trio of high school horror favorites short shrift because literally every woman has seen these films. They’re all Mean Girls for alt girls.
Carrie (1976)* - If you must watch only one film from this list that you haven’t seen, make it Carrie. I rewatch this every few years, and it truly stands out as one of the most emotionally compelling and artful films of all time. Who can bear to watch the beautiful, beaming Sissy Spacek ascend the stage in her pink homemade silk slip dress when we all know what’s to come?
Pearl (2022) - Although not the best Ti West film, I’m including it because women everywhere love staring at Mia Goth’s big floppy lips and listening her warbley molested girl voice.
St. Maud (2019) - Moody A24 flick from Rose Glass about a reclusive and off-putting young nurse who becomes a caretaker for a beautiful but ill retired dancer in a bleak seaside town. A sobering glimpse into the type of woman drawn to the field of nursing, St. Maude delivers subtle winks and nods to Carrie and the Exorcist, fantastic performances from the female leads, and stunning cinematography to boot.
The Neon Demon (2016) - Fun flick directed by Renf (Drive) about the corruption of an innocent teen model (Elle Fanning) who moves to Los Angeles to pursue a career in the cut-throat world of high fashion modeling.
Black Sunday (1960)* - Barbara Steele is a gothic wet dream in my favorite Mario Bava film about a vengeful witch who returns to life centuries after being facially impaled by a spike mask to raise her henchmen from the dead and enact revenge on the descendants of those who entombed her.
sorry boys, but the art of hating has always been, and will always be, for the girls 🚬
The Blackcoat’s Daughter (2015)* - Oz Perkins slow-burn special about a troubled young woman (Emma Roberts) traveling to her old isolated prep school over winter break where two stranded students are stalked by an unseen entity. Originally (and more appropriately) titled “February,” this one shouldn’t be wasted on an October viewing but rather saved for a snowy night in when you want to feel some good old fashioned dread.
The Love Witch (2016) - A stark reminder that you’ll never be able to do your eye make-up this well and, consequently, lure men to their doom—with or without the help of magical elixirs, salves, and potions. Better for us regular gals to just buckle down and learn a respectable craft like scrimshaw or whittling.
Under the Skin (2013) - Enthralling, sparse & bizarre indie sci-fi feature about a mysterious alien disguised as a beautiful woman (Scar-Jo) who sucks the innards out of pathetic men like they’re a poorly battered onion ring.
ladies, this is who you’re arguing with on the internet
The Lodge (2013) - Riley Keough gives an impressive performance as an unstable woman who finds herself snowed in alone with her boyfriend’s bratty children. Things go awry as the kids learn about the perils of fucking with the mentally fragile the old fashioned way instead of through tiktok.
Whatever Happened to Baby Jane (1962) - A psychological horror classic that examines some of the uglier facets of womanhood: jealousy, bitterness, spite, obsession, narcissism. Call your sister, she’s not so bad.
The Others (2001) - Nicole Kidman is your insane mom waltzing her creepy frozen botox face around the house at night muttering “This is not my beautiful house! These are not my beautiful children!" to the tune of “Once in a Lifetime” by the Talking Heads.
The Eyes of My Mother (2016)* - Shoestring budget indie stunner is real a needle in the eye and unlike any other horror film I’ve seen in the last 10 years. Simultaneously difficult to watch yet absolutely captivating, “The Eyes of My Mother” unfolds the disturbing story of Francesca: the young daughter of a surgeon whose idyllic life— and mind—are shattered by an act of senseless violence.
The Queen of Black Magic (1981) - Unlike the Joko Anwar remake, this Indonesian classic is heavy on the queen. After her former lover’s wedding is ruined by spooky visions of snakes & skeletons, a beautiful woman (Suzzanna) is accused of witchcraft and promptly heaved over a cliff by the locals. She is miraculously caught by a mysterious Mr. Miyagi-like man who trains her in his dojo to become the Queen of Black of Magic so she can exact revenge on those who wronged her. The revenge arc here feels much more palatable from a female perspective than, for example, an “I Spit on Your Grave (1978).”
can you even call yourself a woman if you’ve never learned the ancient art of black magic while somersaulting your beautiful body against the gilded silhouette of a comically full moon
Misery (1990) - Cathy Bates gives you tips and tricks on how to catch & keep a good man (hobble him).
Alucarda (1977) - Dreamy theatrical 70s Mexican flick about two teenage orphan girls in a catholic convent who unleash a demonic force with their melodramatic lesbianism. This film has it all: exploding nuns in pink bloody mummy costumes, some hunchback satyr dude that lurks in the woods and tries to sell you amulets, satanic dyke blood pacts, and so forth. This one has a lot of charm and feels more like a play in a creepy moss-covered amphitheater than a film.
accurate threesome attractiveness representation
Sisters (1973) - Another De Palma classic. Great film to put on in a room full of men and say “I don’t think this is Hitchcockian at all” just to feel alive.
Onibaba (1964)* - In civil war-torn 14th-century Japan, a widow and her daughter-in-law bond over their favorite pastime: killing & looting Samurai deserters and then throwing their bodies in an ancient hole. That bond is broken when a young soldier arrives and both women start lusting hard after what is objectively some pretty mediocre post-war leftover dick. After being rejected by the soldier, the jealous mother-in-law dons a (cursed) Hannya mask to scare the widow & put a stop to their affair. In one of my favorite scenes, the widow admits to her lover that she is afraid when she runs through the tall grass at night and he basically responds “um don’t u kill people for a living??” Men just don’t understand.
dermal fillers & botox: ~$1,800k / year. cursed hannya mask that latches onto your face until you die: free
Piercing (2018) - Fun indie film about a handsome family man seeking to indulge his ultimate fantasy of murdering a hooker. His sinister plans are foiled when the beautiful call girl (Mia Wasikowska) pulls an Uno Reverse Card on his bullshit.
The Mafu Cage (1978) - Absolutely perverse film that toes the line between art and exploitation about two codependent sisters living in their crumbling LA mansion, one of whom (an unhinged Carol Kane) has a penchant for torturing primates—her “Mafu”—in a cage. Honestly one of the most disturbing films I’ve seen, immediately after Karen Arthur birthed this demented piece of cinema it was thrown into a plastic bag and heaved directly into an Arby’s dumpster where it has rightfully languished in obscurity for over 4 decades. I have no idea where you can stream this, I’m including it here because Kane’s performance as the psychotic Africa-obsessed Cissy gnaws at your soul long after the credits roll.
can’t cancel a film that nobody knows exists
The Loved Ones (2008) - Australian actress Robin McLeavy gives a fantastic performance as “Lola ‘Princess’ Stone”—a bratty teenage psychopath who kidnaps & tortures the boy who refused to take her to prom.
May (2002) - The first true femcel film since Carrie, this smartly-written indie flick feels more like a character study than a horror film. It’s “Joker” for ugly weird women.
Starry Eyes (2014) - Worthwhile indie picture about a young starlet who enters into a sinister agreement in exchange for fame and fortune. It’s the casting couch but spooky and from hell or whatever.
Possession (1980)* - What can I say about Possession, a film that has been discussed ad nauseum by critics, scholars, and hipster hobbyists for the last 43 years? To me, the film is a fascinating study of modern male sexual anxiety, and the only thing that could have made it more terrifying would have been the addition of Vincent Gallo as the Creature and perhaps also “Bob,” the child.
Orphan (2009) - Disturbing tale of a deranged woman in her mid 30s LARPing as an innocent 9-year old child, loosely based on the life and times of contrarian podcast host Dasha Nekrasova.
III. The Capable Woman: Films starring women that could probably open 90% of jars without any help unless they were really old or had been like, dropped on the floor at an angle or something.
The Nightingale (2018)* - One of the most intense and difficult films I’ve seen, Jennifer Kent’s the Nightingale invites you to experience the profound suffering that women have felt throughout the ages when enduring the raw brutality of man. Truly not for the faint of heart, this is “Blue Ruin” on steroids for women.
Don’t Breathe (2016)* - Jane Levy (the Evil Dead) is the star of this impeccably executed nail-biter about three broke ne’erdowells that hatch a plan to rob a blind reclusive veteran they believe to be a millionaire.
Gretel & Hansel (2020) - Oz Perkins: “What if instead of Hansel & Gretel we did Gretel & Hansel?” Drunk film CEO: “Oz you crazy son of a bitch, you’ve done it again.”
Byzantium (2012)* - Supremely underrated Neil Jordan sleeper starring Gemma Arterton and Saoirse Ronan as a mother-daughter vampire duo hiding out in a delipidated seaside town from the ancient vampire brotherhood hunting them down for violating the only rule of their gay little vampire club: don’t have a vagina. Roughly Inspired by the Berenstain Bears classic “NO GIRLS ALLOWED.”
Alien (1979)* - The film that taught young me that every human man will disappoint me and every android man will betray me. Also the scene of Sigourney Weaver emerging from stasis in her pristine tighty whities makes me question whether I’m gay each & every time I see it, including right now.
(ASMR) Ellen Ripley gives your toxic ex a handjob using the P-5000 Powered Work Loader
The Descent (2005)* - The biggest tell that this film was written by a man is that it is about six attractive women who all choose to spend their free time spelunking in caves. Since the dawn of time, every woman has reviled the cave. So much so that ancestral men had to bonk us on the heads with some giant mammal’s weiner bone and drag us in there by the hair, at which point we just gave up and decided to passive aggressively wait for the paleolithic era to pass while we sat there up to the puss in centipedes, spiders, and silverfish. I think speak for all women when I say that we are DONE with the caves and we are NEVER going back.
Annihilation (2018) - Natalie Portman and her ragamuffin gang of cool gals go inside something called “The Shimmer” thinking it would be something sparkly & cool like a Lisa Frank montage, only to find it’s a just a bunch of weird mutated plants and animals. Just a piece of advice to the men make these all-female “tough girl” films: you need to cast some Amazonian Gwendoline Christie type because I’m just not buying into the all-5’4 120 lb woman paramilitary task force concept. The fact that Natalie Portman wasn’t killed by a fern in the first 15 minutes of this film is a travesty.
Evil Dead (2013) - One of the gorier flicks on this list, this reboot earns a spot because Jane Levy absolutely carries this film as a bad bitch who withdraws from heroin cold turkey while simultaneously fighting off the notoriously hard-to-kill Evil Dead demons when many of us, including myself, have to call off work on the first day of our periods.
Tales from the Crypt: Demon Knight (1995) - A scrappy motel housekeeper (Jada Pinkett) fresh out of the clink spars with softboi demon acolyte Billy Zane over an ancient relic with the power to save or damn humanity in this surprisingly polished and downright rootin tootin good time produced by the overlords at HBO.
oh billy zane, you’ve been exiled from hollywood but you’ll never be exiled from my heart
Silence of the Lambs (1991)* - Jodie Foster’s magnetism is so powerful in this film it motivated a man to try to assassinate president Nixon to impress her, which—had he been successful—would have absolutely worked.
10 Cloverfield Lane (2016) - Highly relatable film about a woman who would rather take her chances with the giant aliens exterminating humanity outside than spend one more second in a creepy fat man’s apocalypse bunker.
Halloween (1978) - A pre-Activia Jamie Lee solidifies her role as the ultimate final girl.
Scooby Doo and the Ghoul School (1988) - A stoner vagrant living out of a van and his talking dog take jobs as gym teachers for a mysterious girls’ preparatory school without even interviewing first. Upon their arrival, Shaggy and Scoob find that they’ve been engaged by Miss Grimwood's Finishing School for Ghouls where the students are the daughters of famous Universal Studios horror icons like Dracula, Frankenstein’s Monster, the Wolfman, and the Mummy, except for the ghost girl, who is just the daughter of a random ghost (they gave her cool boots to make her feel less bad about this).
Shag and Scoob must help the girls get in shape as they prepare for, that’s right, the annual volleyball match against the boys of the neighboring Calloway Military Academy. Although this film shies away from the more controversial topics you’d expect from a film about a full blown gender war with an elite boys’ military academy like sexual violence & adolescent male rage, it is still a feminist masterpiece decades ahead of its time with its LBGTQ+ representation: the writers bravely decided to make both the Frankenstein and Werewolf girl extremely aggressive butch lesbians. I also found the gay octopus butler to be a much needed palate cleanser from the scenes of scrappy doo shadowboxing his imaginary enemies in a testosterone-fueled haze.
the lesbian frankenstein girl seen here wearing a prototypical pair of “Tevas” sandals
IV. MISC: catch-all category for any film that has feminine vibes. Because at the end of the day, being a woman isn’t about fitting neatly into one category like you’re taking a “Sex and the City” character quiz—it’s just about the vibes (I’m a Samantha).
Dead Ringers (1988) - The most feminine Cronenberg film and personal fantasy of mine, starring Jeremy Irons as my BPD celebrity gynocologist and his twin brother, Jeremy Irons (also played by Jeremy Irons), as my back-up BPD celebrity gynocologist. Forget the stainless steel, ladies—this speculum is made ofiron(s).
The Wickerman (1973) - A film so girl-coded & beautiful that the all-powerful Hollywood man cabal had to remake it, cast Nick Cage in it, and make him goku-kick Leelee Sobieski so hard her diva cup flew out and according to legend they never found it.
The Invitation (2015)* - Written and directed by Karen Kusama (Jennifer’s Body), “The Invitation” follows a man who, for some reason unbeknownst to me, agrees to attend a dinner party thrown by his creepy ex-wife at their old house and the guy’s new girlfriend says, without hesitation: “yeah sure i’ll go to that.” Highly recommended, very innovative script and solid performances all around.
Alice (1988) - In Jan Svankmajer's surreal stop-motion adaptation of the Lewis Carroll classic, Alice follows her stuffed rabbit through a portal inside her dresser to a dark & unsettling Wonderland. It’s “Mad God (2021)” for cute chicks.
Gothic (1986) - Is this a fantastic retelling of that fateful stormy night in 1816 Lake Geneva when Mary Shelley first conceived “Frankenstein” or is it just 88 minutes of recently deceased horror heartthrob Julian Sands’ beautiful bare ass? I can’t quite recall. RIP Julian, may you box that great Helena in the sky <3.
Picnic at Hanging Rock (1975) - Disturbing tale about girls falling asleep in uncomfortable Gunne Sax dresses during a very gay school picnic and waking up to ants all over the cake before they even got to try it.
if i get dressed up in a fussy tea dress to go some instagram ass picnic and i don’t get to eat some PUSSY and some CAKE i will lose it
You Won’t Be Alone (2022)* - Provocative film about a 19th-century Macedonian girl kidnapped at birth & transformed into a witch by an ancient spirit. “You Won’t Be Alone” follows the feral witch girl as she shapeshifts into animals, children, men, and women in an attempt to reconnect with the world around her. The film makes one question not just what it means to be a woman, but what it means to be human in a less than kind world.
it’s like the Janus Films version of “simple jack”
Blood and Black Lace (1964) - Mario Bava’s directorial debut about a masked man with a metal-claw glove who stalks models at a scandalous fashion house in Rome. While this has the typical giallo plot (murdered women, who did?), the sumptuous color palette, beautiful models, chic fashion, and swanky 1960s Italian party vibes will be sure to keep the gals’ attention.
even the mannequins are sexually aggressive in italy
In Fabric (2018) - Quirky A24 feature from Peter Strickland about unlucky customers who purchase a cursed red dress from a very obviously demonic department store. This film taps deep into the feminine psyche to confront every woman’s darkest fear: in-store returns.
Lair of the White Worm (1988) - British sleazefest starring $50 blowjob enthusiast Hugh Grant as an English lord stalked by a haute couture ancient priestess after the giant skull of a serpent she worships is unearthed by an archaeologist. Fun film fact: “Lair of the White Worm” grossed $1.2 million, approximately $400k less than what Divine Brown claims she earned from the notoriety garnered by sucking off Grant in his car on Sunset Blvd in 1995 when he was dating Liz Hurley. Wow!
Interview with the Vampire (1994) - A film so gay it could only be the brainchild of a straight white woman with bangs. Every performance in this film rocks but 11-year old Dunst is truly the star.
A Wounded Fawn (2022)* - This wildly original low budget indie flick checks a lot of girl boxes: winks to artist Leonora Carrington, fun fashion, Greek mythology, and strong female performances from all the ladies involved. All of this + the absolutely weird plot twists made this film a real treat to watch.
A Tale of Two Sisters (2003) - Eerie South Korean psychological horror film is another slow-burn, but worth it for fans of dark fairy tales.
The Company of Wolves (1984) - Coming of age “Red Riding Hood” adaptation from Neil Jordan features an anthology of dark folk tales that will make you say “men are bad, mm’kay?” in a Mr. Mackey voice.
Hausu (1977)* - This blood-soaked psychedelic Japanese schoolgirl ghost story is almost entirely bereft of male characters and dialogue, ensuring it passes the Bechdel test with flying colors.
The Lure (2015) - Two beautiful mermaid sisters go ashore to do the one thing all sea creatures secretly dream of: become the lead singer of a seedy polish disko cabaret.
Valerie and Her Week of Wonders (1970) - Controversial Czechoslovak surrealist horror film follows the young Valerie during her sexual awaking as she navigates her way around a deranged pedophile priest and murderous vampires. Because any man that watches this is automatically placed on an FBI watchlist, I can confirm this one is truly for the girls.
the last image men see before the feds crawl out of the TV screen like the girl from the Ring
Stoker (2013) - Beautifully shot arthouse film by Park Chan-woo (Oldboy, Thirst) about a teenager (Mia Wasikowska) becoming infatuated with her mysterious hot uncle who may or may not be a vampire.
Spring (2014)* - Trans-genre indie film from the Benson Brothers (the Endless) about an American man who meets the woman of his dreams while vacationing in south of Italy. Unfortunately for him, she is a beautiful woman, and if beautiful women love to do one thing it’s harbor a dark secret. A truly unique and romantic horror film that answers the age-old question: “what if H.P. Lovecraft didn’t hate women?”
The Hunger (1983) - The ultimate “just sexy & rich vampires bein sexy & rich” film. After the death of her lover (David Bowie), the vampire Miriam (Catherine Deneuve) immediately plots to replace him with a scientist played by Susan Sarrandon, a choice that can only be explained by the crippling ennui that attends immortality. Film gets my vote for best opening credits, as the effortlessly cool & goth’d out Deneuve and Bowie stalk their prey at an industrial club to the tune of Bauhaus’ “Bela Lugosi’s Dead.”
The House on Haunted Hill (1959) - Featuring bisexual spooky king Vincent Price as a snarky millionaire throwing his hot, high-maintenance wife an expensive haunted house party, this film has girl vibes for sure. “There will food and drink and ghosts, and perhaps even a few murders.” What more could women want?
Nadja (1994) - Urban hipster arthouse flick about Dracula’s gay emo daughter lusting after Van Helsing’s hot chill daughter in gritty 90s NYC will satisfy the most discerning of east village art hos.
Nosferatu the Vampyre (1979)* - Herzog’s unabashedly Herzogian retelling of the Bram Stoker classic starring critically acclaimed child-molester Klaus Kinski as Dracula and ethereal beauty Isabelle Adjani as Lucy. The "Plague Party" scene is one of my favorites of all time.
Demon (2015) - Underrated and smart Polish horror film written and directed by Marcin Wrona before his suicide follows a bridegroom slowly possessed by the unquiet spirit of a murdered Jewish girl in the midst of his chic wedding.
Eve’s Bayou (1997)* - Spellbinding and shamefully underrated southern gothic drama about a 10 year-old girl discovering the dark truth behind her affluent family’s existence and the pain and confusion that follows the loss of girlhood. A dark voodoo version of Atonement, “Eve’s Bayou” is an utter anomaly for its time, with female writer, director, cinematographer, editor, and an all-star, all-black cast.
The Addiction (1995) - Another gritty black and white hipster 90s NYC arthouse vampire flick (as was the style at the time), this one about a philosophy grad student trying to manage her newfound blood lust in a solidly executed metaphor for drug addiction.
The David Lynch “Woman” Films - Including Mulholland Drive, Twin Peaks, and Blue Velvet. Just like The Shining was an apology film for the very fake (and gay) Apollo 11 moon landing, Lynch made these as films to apologize to women everywhere for casting a greased-up Sting as Feyd Rautha in the original Dune and making us look at that disgusting worm baby thing in Eraserhead—a scene which made every woman at some point in her life think “oh no what if i’m pregnant and it’s the baby from eraserhead?” before violently yeeting a RBG prayer candle at the wall.
loooove this list, not sure if Belladonna of Sadness counts but it does have a phallic demon and the execution of a witch on a cross if I remember right (this starts the French Revolution)
I'm having a brain relapse i googled this realised it was the wrong film 😶 the Sentinel!!! 70s Catholic haunted house, suspiria vibes for fashion etc, terrifying reanimated corpses
yeah it was a “good effort” experimental film though I wouldn’t rewatch or recommend it. i enjoyed the atmosphere and appreciate the risk taking, reminded me a bit of skinamarink
![Slaves of Satan: Mario Bava, Barbara Steele, and 'Black Sunday' [Gods and Monsters] - Bloody Disgusting](https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!q4kt!,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F31e194cc-65ab-4074-ad7d-be4983e8d308_1228x633.png "Slaves of Satan: Mario Bava, Barbara Steele, and 'Black Sunday' [Gods and Monsters] - Bloody Disgusting")
loooove this list, not sure if Belladonna of Sadness counts but it does have a phallic demon and the execution of a witch on a cross if I remember right (this starts the French Revolution)
love BoS! beautiful film. i plan to cover on my film podcast soon 💕
ok but ackchually you forgot les diaboliques
but extra points for stoker, which was absolutely enthralling the first time i watched it
im stupid but what do the asterixes mean?
it means there's titty in it
Feel like u would love The Cardinal!!
the 1963 film?
I'm having a brain relapse i googled this realised it was the wrong film 😶 the Sentinel!!! 70s Catholic haunted house, suspiria vibes for fashion etc, terrifying reanimated corpses
Have you watched We're All Going To The World's Fair? Just watched it last night. Weird movie.
yeah it was a “good effort” experimental film though I wouldn’t rewatch or recommend it. i enjoyed the atmosphere and appreciate the risk taking, reminded me a bit of skinamarink