Not that I'm planning to get married soon or like ever but you have inspired me to plot whatever the opposite of this is for my own bachelorette. Sweat lodge? 4 day fast in the wilderness? DMT? (Either way, I'll consider keeping the mime). My friends will rue the nights I spent drinking pink whitney and wearing a dress specifically engineered to clash with my skin tone on their behalf. Love em, but damn does the wedding/bachelorette industry corrupt HARD.
In my early 20s one of my friends got married to his university girlfriend and the bachelor party was just doing one of those silly Pedal Pub things. I thought it was going to be super gay but it was actually really fun, especially when the manager had to call the Pedal Pub Bartender(?) to tell us that we were being way too loud and like a dozen people on the street had called in to complain. That only made us get louder, which was hilarious. I'm so glad we did that instead of going to a strip club.
I loved every minute of this. I’m just confused about one thing though:
“The Prague trip went swimmingly. On the last night, however, I sat alone with the Fiancé at an unremarkable bar. It was late; the other bachelorettes had gone to bed. The Bride mentioned getting one final round”
Duh. I realized that as soon as I posted the comment, but before that I was reading it over and over again, trying to make sense of it.
I have to say the stupid thing out loud for it to go through! Thanks for not reacting like so many other people have and being all “you KNOW what I’m talking ABOUT, you’re just correcting me because you’re a BITCH”
And thanks for writing these!! This was hilarious, perceptive, and a bright spot in a fairly tedious day.
I stayed up late after landscaping all evening after work to read this because I wanted to finish it that much. Great story. I started reading it in between carrying wheelbarrows of class v gravel in the summer heat and couldn't stop.
The toothpaste cap thing reminded me of the cherries in that in both situations you were obviously in the wrong, but the insanity of the aggrieved party elevated you to an ethereal rightness hovering high above your actual actions
I also deeply appreciate the use of the word "carbage" here -- is her trunk loaded with car garbage or carbohydrates or both? You do not need to drop mots justes with stories this inherently compelling and yet... every piece shows such amazing precision of language, even when you're writing about necrotized cat testicles.
I have always been a little sad that none of my friends have invited me to their bachelorette parties. (Not even my sister-in-law!) Thank you for curing me of this notion.
Not that I'm planning to get married soon or like ever but you have inspired me to plot whatever the opposite of this is for my own bachelorette. Sweat lodge? 4 day fast in the wilderness? DMT? (Either way, I'll consider keeping the mime). My friends will rue the nights I spent drinking pink whitney and wearing a dress specifically engineered to clash with my skin tone on their behalf. Love em, but damn does the wedding/bachelorette industry corrupt HARD.
Thanks for the laughs, they were very cathartic!
I'm a 20 year old man so I know nobody who is getting married but I imagine a bachelor party is like this but messier and smells worse
i have collected so many traumatizing second-hand bachelor party stories. some of them border on sad though.
In my early 20s one of my friends got married to his university girlfriend and the bachelor party was just doing one of those silly Pedal Pub things. I thought it was going to be super gay but it was actually really fun, especially when the manager had to call the Pedal Pub Bartender(?) to tell us that we were being way too loud and like a dozen people on the street had called in to complain. That only made us get louder, which was hilarious. I'm so glad we did that instead of going to a strip club.
I screamed in joy when I saw this !
Im going to save it and savor it. Reading with a Clove and a espesso overlooking Gotham.
fyi have been having a very frustratingly useless day rotting to empty content and this piece redeemed the whole experience thank u godbless
Your writing is so funny and it always cheers me up
Seconded
I loved every minute of this. I’m just confused about one thing though:
“The Prague trip went swimmingly. On the last night, however, I sat alone with the Fiancé at an unremarkable bar. It was late; the other bachelorettes had gone to bed. The Bride mentioned getting one final round”
… but then she had a baby the next day? What
ah, i meant the fiance! i fixed it. sorry, too many friends getting married in this. "the bride" didn't go
Duh. I realized that as soon as I posted the comment, but before that I was reading it over and over again, trying to make sense of it.
I have to say the stupid thing out loud for it to go through! Thanks for not reacting like so many other people have and being all “you KNOW what I’m talking ABOUT, you’re just correcting me because you’re a BITCH”
And thanks for writing these!! This was hilarious, perceptive, and a bright spot in a fairly tedious day.
Thanks for living and writing this for us!
Jeopardy only brought enough toothpaste for herself?! More like she intuited you would lose the toothpaste cap! 🤣
Thank fuck I'm not popular enough to ever get invited to Superfrico! Even though I love mozzarella!
Wonderful! The days you post are the best days. Thank you.
I stayed up late after landscaping all evening after work to read this because I wanted to finish it that much. Great story. I started reading it in between carrying wheelbarrows of class v gravel in the summer heat and couldn't stop.
The toothpaste cap thing reminded me of the cherries in that in both situations you were obviously in the wrong, but the insanity of the aggrieved party elevated you to an ethereal rightness hovering high above your actual actions
😈😈😈
I also deeply appreciate the use of the word "carbage" here -- is her trunk loaded with car garbage or carbohydrates or both? You do not need to drop mots justes with stories this inherently compelling and yet... every piece shows such amazing precision of language, even when you're writing about necrotized cat testicles.
I have always been a little sad that none of my friends have invited me to their bachelorette parties. (Not even my sister-in-law!) Thank you for curing me of this notion.
“Lasagna Night at the MK Ultra Cafe” is a great indie album name…
But how much did the serious looking manager charge for the lamp? What a cliffhanger ; )
it's secret but it was definitely more than a hundred and less than a thousand
loved this
Delightful, had me cackling