I can't believe substack just suggested your writing to me. A fave from g&g. I'm not sure if you've migrated here or I'm there less but happy to have re-found your writing!
"i remember this particularly disgusting french restaurant was my least favorite venue because the owner (some milquetoast blonde french dude with horrible teeth) sexually harassed me nonstop and the restaurant was straight up full of rats. i vividly remember him coming out of the basement with a bottle of wine and like 6 rats scurried out behind him like he was some sort of pied piper / plague king. horrified, i was like “dude, your restaurant has RATS!” he was super offended at that and scoffed “it’s the east village, every restaurant has RATS!” ok!"
There is precious little to like about NYC, but I like restaurants full of rats.
This is gold. Thanks. I smiled, I laughed, I got lines I will steal for later use.
Classic: ALL -- the true, honest voice of desperation.
😅
I remember this story! Will give it a proper second reading tomorrow!
Commenting and liking for the algorithm.
so happy to see this in blogpost form :3
“no! i don’t want samosas, i want more women!”
This line will stay with me forever. Thank you. 🙏😅
This is the funniest thing I’ve ever read on Substack— low bar I know, but really good. Reminded me of Spy magazine back in the day.
ty! i liked spy mag as well
I'm gonna say it.... that was... one MORTifying dame. Sorry I'll show myself out.
I can't believe substack just suggested your writing to me. A fave from g&g. I'm not sure if you've migrated here or I'm there less but happy to have re-found your writing!
ty, glad you found it!! migrated here :)
"i remember this particularly disgusting french restaurant was my least favorite venue because the owner (some milquetoast blonde french dude with horrible teeth) sexually harassed me nonstop and the restaurant was straight up full of rats. i vividly remember him coming out of the basement with a bottle of wine and like 6 rats scurried out behind him like he was some sort of pied piper / plague king. horrified, i was like “dude, your restaurant has RATS!” he was super offended at that and scoffed “it’s the east village, every restaurant has RATS!” ok!"
There is precious little to like about NYC, but I like restaurants full of rats.